One fine morning I was just sitting in my house, chilling with friends and I get my mother’s call and the first thing she said was
” You know your dad is seriously considering your marriage next year because there is so much pressure from relatives and everyone keeps on asking about you.” So I responded furiously saying, ” Are you listening to yourself right now Mom, I am just 21.”
Why this came to me as a shock was, My parents have never ever even talked about marriage to me like not even for fun. Instead they had considered live in relationships for me, For real. So it got me thinking how screwed up the entire idea was, how the society can change sane minds to insane. And how that one sentence got me worried for hours.
I am talking on a very personal level here, I hate Marriages for various personal reasons but nonetheless for the entire idea. So if I have to put it across simply for everyone to know- I very strongly believe that Marriage is not our final destination, it’s not the reason we were born for. But yes it’s a CHOICE, you might want to get married and look out for a happily ever after but some people might just find it even if they are not married.
The pressure from the family and the relatives are so uncalled for, like you know I wasn’t born to just settle down with a guy, may be I am fine alone or may be I am not. But just because I am 25 or above I NEED to get married, (I mean I am not 25, I am 21, but you know what I mean right?), this doesn’t make sense to me. So to get a clear perspective I asked a few of my girl friends and this is what they had to say ;
Bhargavi Sinha, my very new muse writes ;
“Marriage being the institutionalized grouping of two individuals of the opposite sex calls for the process of procreation. It calls for loyalty, affection and responsibility. However looking at the current scenario, knots are tied for purposes other than mere love, trust and respect. They envelop harsh emotions often highlighting selfish desires. The whole idea of having a lifelong relationship is blurred. Marriages have become transient and shallow. They incorporate lying, cheating, money mindedness and so on. There’s a dearth of depth and honest gratification. There no longer lies ‘love at first sight’ or genuine and pure adoration. Indian society, like many, bring to light caste-ism, religious ideologies, extremist views and such structured beliefs and practices. According to it, monogamous, arranged marriages are preferred within the same caste, religion, sect and so on. It is true that with the passing of time, people are advancing and becoming open minded. There are mixed marriages and marriages of the same sex. There has come about a leniency in terms of wed lock. But this is not in the Indian context. Such marriages are looked down upon and people frown tirelessly towards such couples. Talking on a spiritual level of love and compassion, humans have adapted themselves to the fast lifestyle and aren’t able to adhere to stillness and reliance. They are attracted to people other than their companions. They aren’t able to dig deeper into their beings and understand the true meaning of wed lock. They have transient relationships , go about having baseless pleasurable flings. They aren’t able to deal with the idea of having the same person for life. They want change, they want new experiences. So I’m not here to say who’s right and who’s wrong – but it’s upto you to decide if life long relationships are meant for you.”
The reason behind asking these girls for their opinios and perspective was to bring to you guys different opinions of how today’s young girls feel about the concept, because well its not the same anymore. I also asked a lot of girls to tell me what they think about marriages and there was one who was very enthusiastically willing to put forward her opinion, and I couldn’t stop but adore her opinion and how she has put it together.
Sakshi Kohli says:
“Some call it a union of two souls, others call it a union of two families. To some it is a necessity, to others just another stage of life. What does it really mean to get married?
It might be a bit shocking to hear this from a 22 year old wedding planner whose life obviously revolves around weddings. I do not understand any of the reasons I have seen people get married for. I do not understand when people say someone has reached the right age to get married. I do not understand when people look for the right person to get married to. I do not understand any of those efforts put in to find a perfect partner from the eligible wedding market. I do not understand the need behind getting married.
As utopian as it may sound, I truly believe in marriages as a natural process, a want instead of a need. Let it happen if and when it is supposed to. Do not stress if it doesn’t happen. I know they say you need a companion in life. How about we change the definition of this companionship? How about we make our lives more about ourselves and ALL the people who are integral to it than about finding that ONE soul mate aka our better half? How about we become our own better halves? How about we stop believing that we are incomplete in the first place?
I do not have a problem with marriages. I have a problem with the way we look at them – as a compulsion, as a necessity, as a criterion for a perfect life, as a sign of completeness. I have a problem with the amount of importance we attach with marriages. I have a problem with the pressure one undergoes to achieve a perfect marriage.
I say – Find yourself, find your right place in the world, find the space that makes you grow, find happiness, find madness, find magic.
I say – Find a life partner. Find your life partner in your best friend. He would have seen the worst of you, the craziest of you, the most disgusting part of you and would have still stuck around.
Get married once you’ve fulfilled both the ‘I says’ above!
So this was us; Sharmila, Sakshi and Bhargavi opening about our views, sharing across our perspective towards the concept of marriage. Some of you might relate to one of us, or may be none. But this has been us opening our hearts out to you, so If you think you have a different opinion or have something to say, let me know and we can meet up for pizza?
OUTFIT DETAILS :
Outfit worn in this blog post is beyond incredible and beautiful. I am wearing a beautiful black tulle lehenga with chintz inspired resham embroidery, gold bustier and tulle dupatta embellished with floral sequins by the amazing luxury designer Kavita Bhartia. Kavita Bhartia is a renowned Indian Designer known for her wedding outfits and has also remarkably changed the way of modern contemporary dressing for women. You can buy her incredible outfits at an Ogaan store near you, because sure as hell you cannot miss on this one.
FEATURED BRANDS AND OTHER OUTFIT DETAILS :
ON SHARMILA :
Designer Outfit – @ kavitabhartia.official
Guests Writers – 1. Sakshi Kohli, @sakshiO8 on Instagram
2. Bhargavi Sinha, @consciousintender on Instagram
Make up and Face painting- Gargi Sharma, @gargisharma_17
Styling and Concept- Sharmila Sharma @thewardrobewagon , Shivani Angad Gupta @shivanigupta1402
Photographs by- 1. Gorkey, @gorkey_photowala
2. Piyush, @piyush.cr2